After you start to recognize what it feels like to feel dysregulated it’s time for the next step!
It’s time to start noticing what you DO when you are dysregulated.
Do you:
- Yell
- Throw something
- Kick
- Hit
Oh wait - I forgot - not talking about your kids…. Back to US grown ups!
Do you:
- Yell
- Slam something
- Avoid
- Stomp off
- Get busy doing something so you don’t do any of those things?
You can see how it’s similar. What our kids do and what we do. Most likely we just have learned to not take it as far as our kids. We stomp off, yell maybe, say something hurtful that we regret.
There is a different way.
Dr. Perry teaches us to do something different. Something that can really make a difference in the long run. Something that is more connecting. And more healing. We have seen the miracles of it since starting it at New Hope. In 3 short weeks we have seen amazing results. More on that later.
Instead of just walking away and not processing the incident, try this instead:
- Talk as a family
- Choose 3-5 strategies that will help you to regulate.
You will want them to be:
- Repetitive
- Rhythmic
- Rewarding
As you sit and discuss each strategy, ask yourself if they fit into all three of those categories AND if they allow you to still process the feelings of the incident.
Does the activity allow you to tune into your feelings and FEEL what maybe caused you to react poorly to the situation?
For example, a board game played alone by a child that is repetitive (roll dice, play card, repeat, etc) could fit all those 3 categories AND still allow them to process their feelings. The same board game played with a friend would take them AWAY from processing their feelings and would keep there from being any sort of resolution.
Yard work done by adult may be rewarding, repetitive, and rhythmic AND still allow you to process feelings. However, maybe playing heavy music or fantasy audiobook while doing yard work, would just help to escape the feelings rather than process.
Remember the WHOLE goal of this is CONNECTION and a more healthy way to deal with stressors - for everyone.
This week keep NOTICING when you are dysregulated, and take that break, but look to add in a strategy.
Breaks should be at least 15 minutes - no shorter but could be longer - just tune into your feelings or your child moods and prescribe what fits.
Practice those two skills. If you want to go more in depth, there is a course on our website. And if you need further coaching, there are some coaching calls on our website.
Next week we will talk about the next step! Relating!
