It's hard to minimize the importance of healthy and safe boundaries or 'limits'. Most families come to us in crisis. Everyone in the family feels unsafe. I am sure most people reading this post can relate or could relate to this at some point.
If you are still in that place in your home - do what you can to work on setting safe 'boundaries' or 'limits' for everyone. Don't give up or give in because it seems too hard. Ask for help. Yes, many will judge you, but you may also be surprised who might relate and be able to help you out, or even be inspired by you!
Do it while your kids are young if you have that option still. No matter how hard it is, or how big the outburst (remember - a fit is just a fit), the peace in your home you will get by setting boundaries will be worth every single fit you go through. It's really by doing this, by saying no, or setting a boundary, and sticking with that over and over, that allows your kids to start to settle. To step out of their fight mode, and start to work on their feelings a little bit, and be open to more relationship moments in the family. It also allows for hurt and pain to heal between siblings and between parent and child. Everyone needs space. Space just to be and space to heal.
We have seen literal miracles in our new families just by doing this - just working on safe boundaries.
Remember too there needs to always be equal balance of relational time. Don't just work on boundaries. As you are working on boundaries, step into their space with them if they will let you and play a game with them, or read a book with them. Just this 5-10 min. time can go along way.